No more fucking up

No more fucking up.. It's been awhile.. too much fucking up aint very good for both my family and me health.. haha... funky aint it..
Well I've decided not to go too extreme with too much shit anymore.. Instead take my role of responsibilities and look like a role fucking model.. :D..
Well other than that.. life has been alright so far. Highlight of the term, me and navo created a band called Entertaining You Fools. I'm actually surprised that it's really working out.
We've created some good shit, some good ass music.. It's kinda incredible that one such as navo and one such as me can actually come together to create something we both love and actually give it life. I don't mean to be too proud but the songs that me and navo do are actually rather a kinda new sound. A rapper/Hip hop R&B coming together to a rock and roll, nu-metal, jazz kinda guy.. Hmm .. interesting combination don't you think.. :D
Well we created a joke website about our band, www.entertainingufools.webs.com
Check it out and give us a few comments, or just watch our vids and enjoy to the beat of the music.
haha.. I guess our genre would be fooling you.. :D..

Pretty much this term has been like a shot gun with busy as shells. Constantly shooting at me from every direction. It's about time I started doing that.. haha.. Been lazy for a term.. Can't fuck up anymore.
PTPI, Surprisingly Global debates (though it's a small part).. haha Join the global craze!! :D.. SHEELA!!!!! lol.. X-country!!!
It's tiring as hell and time consuming. I'd never imagine that I could actually finish the course. It's simply death defying.. haha.. This time of the year everyone will see dead tired, or i'm fucking tired, or OHHH FUCK!!! X-country!!.. Well I can't really complain coz i'm one of them too.. haha..
It's been awhile since i Blogged.. I guess it makes it more stuff to say.. haha.. Rather than just yak about what really goes on daily which also could be quite retarded.. haha..

Well about love.. It's a matter of time..

Sometimes the world continues to amaze me on what is going on. Haha..
Ohh yesss.. The latest song that is coming out from Entertaining You Fools it's a very different type of song that we normally from. We generally play a happy, funky, jazzy type of songs. But This song is quite emotional. It's becoz of a bad day and i just decided to write it. But it's sorta raw type of song.. Like a side project, I could say this song is more to my side of emotions rather than navo so i would say it's not really the band's official song. But if we record it, we'll put it up.. haha.. Well I guess that'd be all..

I will blog more later on about girls.. haha..
Fathin!!

Ohh yes btw.. Sheela if you're reading this.. I'd like to say hi!!! And Since you're sick i want to say get well soon!!! hehe..

Ciaoz
-B3N-

Complicated

As the titles states itself... It's complicated to explain. But rather it's easier to express. It feels like which ever you choose has it's own complications.. No matter how easy or how hard it is.. There is complications. Time and time I ask myself what do I want, and what do I want to do with it. I know there can never ever be an again. Well I think so which is stated that it's most likely never going to be an again. Such shut down in life. But yet when it feels like a sharp knife jabs you in the heart so burningly hot, something else grabs you away from the pain and puts you into the comfort of it's bosoms. It feels so good and comfortable but yet you can't forget the complications.

To make matters worse, I can't decide now. The complications is something I can't forget, but yet the bosoms are so comfortable. And again another complication. It seem life just wants to fuck you up at every moment you find nirvana. Hurtful as it maybe to choose, my heart still yearns for my old memories of joy, laughter, warmness, love.

So close but yet so far.
What is it I truly want. I really don't know
Complications

-B9514n-

Fear of living

Man it's scary to think about the future.. Yeah it's nice if everything goes well for you. Good career, Family, Financials and power.. Well If it doesn't go well. How fast would that smack you right in the face without you even knowing.
Scary thoughts keep flowing into my head like a dam that just broke it's stability to hold the water on the other side. The only question now is what am I doing with my life?
Ambitions to be what I want to be, but whether am I able to achieve it or even bother to achieve it. I can say right now I'm.. How do you say.. I'm not even sure how to put it to words.. But something like being not bothered, but at the same time I know what I have to do.

What am I like that? Too many things that distract me from my main focus in life. Or is it because I'm just not cut out to be it.
Questions arise from everything I do.
Maybe what my father said is right. Disappointment.
Too scared to do anything right now. Even when I try to work on it, I fear that I lack too far behind. What happened to me? Where did the passion of the hardworkingness go to 4 years ago?

Why have I become so incapable.. I know the answer but yet I'm still unwilling to do anything to do about it.
Man I'm just lazy.

I'm actually quite scared what the future holds for me now. The future is something that I cannot see very clearly anymore. It's like something has blocked it, like an eclipse.
Oh well..

Only thing to do is step it up. But unwillingness and laziness will always come by for a visit every now and then.

-B9514n-

Such a small world

Man this world getting crowded. Some how and from somewhere everyone seems to know each other.. haha
Friends knowing my family, and family knowing some friends. And what makes matters worse my parents know some of my friends before I even knew them.. haha.. This world will not cease to amaze me.
Oi!! you all over there.. Yeah over there in Amsterdam.. You know me?? :D :P

Haha.. I seem quite hyper and not emo today.. haha.. Well It seems like i'm have a good day today.. Well I'm actually looking forward to something.. Haha.. Fun fun fun times to come!! :D... ROAR!! :D

Have Fun mates!!

Cheers

-b9514n-

Truly enchanted.

Truly enchanted to finally know what it all means.
Why didn't I realise it so so very long ago. The message was so loud and so clear, but worse of all it was so available.
My own stupidity and own ignorance got the better of me.
I finally truly know the true meaning of what I should have known a long time ago.

Regret is what fills me right now. Fuck fuck fuck!! Why didn't I realise it a long time ago. And yet she still asked me to... Damn..
Now I ask myself what should I do. It's too goddamn late to do anything.
When I had every opportunity to do something about, I just let it go so easily like a dandelion on a windy day. But yet still I think The dandelion tried to hold it's seeds better than I did.

Why Why WHY!!!!! Fuck!! Truly enchanted, Truly finally know the meaning.
Though it sounds like i'm talking senseless shit, It all makes perfect sense in my head.

I should have realised it when you told me to watch, to actually truly know how you were feeling. All too late and burnt with regret filled to the soul all the way to the heart, mind and body.
For I know what it is truly to love someone.

-B9514n-

Funny you should say

It's been a very very long time since I wrote over here..
Could say I'm really bored but more of you could say I need rant and express myself.

Time again is moving really slow but yet the days moves on faster and fast.
It seems as if the world wants to keep me impatient and at the same time regret things as they pass by really fast.
I can say I'm slightly confused over my thoughts and feelings.
What is going on right now?
Why is it happening?

I really don't know anymore.
People getting hurt around me while the world goes on a killing spree around the world.
How am I to worry about the worlds problems when I cant even solve my own problems.

Where can she be?
It's 12:42 right now but it feels like I've been awake 12 hours already.
I miss her, I miss her terribly.
But restrains to these feelings is killing slowly from the inside
like a slow burning feeling that gains momentum until the pain is too excrutiating to bear.
I scream silently in pain..

Where are you now??
I am like the sea, lost where the tides take me.

-B9514n-

So far..

Every heart beat aches with something that hurts. Emotions blocked and clogged with a plug. Angels cry, demons wonder. Where are you and how are you?

-B3N-